Custody & Parenting

One of the most important concerns for parents going through a divorce is what will happen with the children. There are many competing theories about what schedule is appropriate or not appropriate at what ages. What experts probably universally agree upon is that the biggest impact on children is how parents get along and communicate with one another. In the long run, how well parents get along has much more impact on the children than, for example, whether a schedule includes a Monday or a particular holiday.

In Massachusetts Custody is divided into Legal Custody and Physical Custody.

Legal Custody has to do with who makes the major life decisions for the children, such as decisions for the child about health and education. If a couple has Joint Legal Custody, it means that they will have to cooperate with one another and make joint decisions. Sole legal custody means that the parent with sole legal custody has the right to make all the major decisions for the child.

Physical Custody addresses with whom the child resides. Shared Physical Custody means that the parents have the child with each of them approximately 50% of the time. Sole Physical Custody means that one of the parents has the child with him or her the majority of the time. Time spent with the non-custodial parent is typically set out in a visitation schedule.

Parenting Plan: Regardless of whether the parties agree to sole or joint physical custody, it is important to think about the parenting plan for the children. This plan spells out when each parent has the child. Depending on how specific you want to become, the plan can specify what happens on holidays, birthdays, summer vacations, school vacations , mother's and father's day and so forth. Sometimes, depending on the age of the child or how well the parents are able to work together, couples agree to have a very non-specific schedule and they work out the details as they go along.

One thing to remember about parenting plans is that they are an ever-evolving process. As children age, what may have once been an appropriate plan may no longer be appropriate. It is important for parents to reevaluate the schedule on a regular basis to determine whether the schedule needs to be adjusted or completely changed. In addition, parenting plans are unique to each situation. What works for one couple may not be right for another. Some of the elements affecting the parenting plan include the ages of the children, work schedules and distances between the households.

If you need help figuring out an appropriate plan for your children it may helpful to consult with a therapist.